site musings
some stuff i'm been thinking about lately, re: webdev and my neocities. long long post!
on longevity
lately i've been seeing all the cool things people are doing with their sites (having an rss/atom feed for site changes, mirrors on other hosts, dark modes and other accessibility functions, super customized graphics) and some smaller things (updating their code easily and regularly, for one). these are probably no different from the cool things people were doing with their sites before, but i guess my state of mind is what's different... i used to be really excited to find ways to apply them to my own site, but these days i find myself really intimidated!
i think i'm understanding that the way i've been coding is SOOOO messy... a different css file for everything, some pages responsive/some not, everything requires a manual update EACH TIME... things like that.
girl help
i don't hate it! in fact i really love that it's a clear picture of someone trying css for the first time – clumsily and with heart. i was so excited to try whatever new thing i learned that i didn't care about optimizing anything. and while it's a bitch to make any changes/updates to pages now, i really liked that i felt free to just play around and upload, especially when it's a state i'm almost never in (as a girl who plans everything down to the letter or else she'll die).
and so going through my existing pages and cleaning things up feels both
a) daunting, in that there's so much work ahead because of that clumsy exhuberance; and
b) a little sad. i know websites r meant to be updated, and it'll feel good to have something easier to update and much cleaner, but i almost want to just... preserve the enthusiastic clutter of my current site. For The Memories.
(honestly i have some hoarder tendencies, This I Know, and it's not like one day i'll want to go back and reminisce on how i did not understand flex box, but eh.)
so. my initial plan for this site was to make it an ongoing thing i could update forever, but i kind of want it to be a project now – something i can finish and preserve like a scrapbook. baby's first foray into the personal webpage.
i'll keep updating existing pages as normal as i continue building all the other pages i have planned (and maybe making new ones if i think of them!), but maybe once i feel like things are complete, i will wrap up the scrapbook in a neat little bow and go on to make another site (that i'll design to be easily updateable, based on what i learned making meixins).
when will that be? who fucking knows lol. so for now nothing's really changing about the way i update this site, except how i approach it mentally. i've been stopping myself from treating my site the way i want to – as a repository for my insanities, which happen in small but frequent bursts – because i don't want to put a bunch of shit on it and then have to clean it up but now that i know i won't, i hope to be fully deranged.
on hosting
just kidding! i can't be fully deranged!
neocities has a pretty liberal nsfw policy which i like, but i learned a while back that it doesn't have the resources to push back on any legal attacks they might get for having sites even remotely in a direction of taboo that i personally like in fiction (and fiction only, in case this needs stating). i'm going to take this to include anything (even text!) that isn't plausibly deniable, which is kind of a bummer, because i was excited to have a genuine freak space.
upon some friends' recommendations, i've started looking into some other hosts that might be open to it like squidge and nearlyfreespeech, but i'm still hesitant to pack up and move, especially given my new direction for this site. so here is a quick pros and cons list.
yes to move because:
- i can have a page about shotas and it will not threaten lives
- not that shotas make up that big a part of my personality but the ability to talk about something i like strictly in fiction without the law hounding me... can't stress how big a pro that is.
- the nature of the hosting websites
- UI/UX is not as intuitive or a one click signup, so it's less likely kids are on there
- also there's no big activity page where randos can see when i update. i'm v interested in keeping my audience as small and familiar as possible
- if i wrap up this site and start a new one, i'll already be familiar with how things work with the new host!
- (these are fewer than the reasons to Not move but they are weightier.)
maybe don't move because:
- i don't know how to mirror?
- if i don't mirror on neocities, i'll care a little bit less about the activity page and the process of keeping up with my friends' sites will have extra friction
- unexpected pro: i will only keep up with the sites i truly care about?
- i am worried about the sort of people a page called "nearly free speech" attracts
- it makes more sense to move once you're done with this site and going to make your Forever(ish) one
- i will have to pay a small amount (definitely for nearlyfreespeech, unsure for squidge but i'll probably want to pay anyway)
anyway. while i mull this over, i will still try to be as freaky as possible on here while respecting the rules of the neocities owner... <3
(sidenote: i was also thinking about putting my freak shit on a totally separate page but i think it's a slippery slope to I Will Intimidate Myself Out Of Updating My Site Because I'll Not Know Where To Categorize A Thought.)
on activity
honestly, i'm just weird about social media... i get this way with every form of social media where i can be perceived publicly and have more than 5 followers lmfao. no one likely cares if i'm gone for weeks, but my brain somehow conjures the idea of someone tapping their foot waiting for The Content They Asked For by following me and it consequently makes me want to roll into a hole! brain why! no one is doing this!!!
i'm very very honored when anyone wants to keep up with what i do but whenever there are too many people i don't know i skedaddle. it's definitely a me thing that i should probably try and resolve. i really like the activity page for being a nice way to keep up with my friends' sites, but as an avenue for updating MY site it fills me with dread. i already feel the need to be doing all my hobbies at once, and seeing how long it's been since i last updated exacerbates this. (again, even if no one is asking me to feel this way!!!)
i've seen some people close their neocities site profiles, and i'm thinking of doing that, but maybe once i've figured out how to make an rss feed for my site.
anyway..!! sorry to write such a downer of a post lol but it felt good to try and wrangle with these thoughts. i've come away with some actionable steps, which is usually why i do these big rambles for an audience.
some life-ish updates:
- consulted a doctor about the ADHD. results unclear. i'll try again with a different doctor at some point, but it's not a priority!
- i have been "playing" pokemon sleep for the past few weeks! i'm doing poorly at sleeping, but it's very nice to wake up to cute little creatures on your phone.
- i've been reading quite a bit. if you're on the storygraph, here's me!
- I AM SO CLOSE TO LEAVING MY JOB (ending my contract). both anticipating and dreading it. woo / oh no!!
- i'm traveling with my entire extended family this weekend. i'm meeting up with an online friend while i'm there! it's not the first time i'm meeting up with an online friend, but it's always exciting.
okay! thanks for reading if you did!
here's a song i really like lately